For those of you who just can't get enough, here is another round of the unique world of u.r.b. (Volume 1 is still available.)
From: email@example.com (harris) Subject: simple pleasures Date: 12 Sep 2000 We all have simple birding pleasures. I had one this morning. For most of the year we have been without a resident robin (the result of new neighbours cats I fear, bu**ers!). This morning, no doubt the result of territory reassertions following breeding, I was greeted by the warming sight of a single robin feeding on the birdtable (sex unknown). Hopefully it will be with us all winter. Question: anyone know where I can get a flak jacket for a robin (with fitting instructions), a small underwing magnum 44, with holster, and a course on evasion techniques to give to my robin as an early christmas present?Well, never let it be said that uk.r.b'-ers don't try to help. And so ...
From: john taverner Subject: Re: simple pleasures Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2000 Sir. We at Avi-armour.com may have the answer to your problem. We are a progressive .com company set up to fill that niche in avian armour and weapons. For your Robin, the breast armour is most important, the green colouration fools felinities. We at avi-armour.com feel the 44 Magnum is a bit OTT for the Robin, may we suggest a SAS Beretta. The holster is not wing hung, but over the breast armour, one peck and Puss is history. If, as it seems, you are into really 'serious', may I suggest our Woodpigeon kit for the Phalanx gun. We have tried it with woodies and feel it should bring you great pleasure. The one drawback is that it is a single mission only weapon, one burst and cat is no more, but the recoil has a habit of dewinging the woodie, but that avian group is plentiful. I do feel that, You Sir, would like to try our ultimate weapon, the dropping-guided bomblet. These are highly classified, but to give Sir a flavour, I will brief you on a mission by our crack team of Herring Gulls. It was in Area 51, a cat had taken up residence on St.xxxxx Harbour wall. The foul creature was eating all the fish scraps thrown about by visitors. It had entered the gulls domaine.com, hunger beckoned. We armed up three brave gulls, one was to designate the target with an accurate shitdrop, the second was wingman to Gull second Class xxxxxxx. Full wing and body armour was worn. Primary munitions were partypoopers, guided by fine thread by The Hero, two munitions landed directly on the bird mucked cat. No more cat, just pooper stringers mixed with bits of a felines digestive system. I hope that has helped your task in arming your birds. Our prices are competitive and please allow 7 days for delivery. Payment by credit card is welcomed. Harold Herring CEP Avi-armour.com A caring compassionate company.
Date: Tue, 12 Sep 2000 From: Chris Mead Subject: Re: simple pleasures Disregard the tiresome posting from our rivals that involves so much blood and guts. Here at Confuse-a-cat we have the ideal bloodless answer to your Robin's problem. A small solar-powered hologram imaging device simply wipes out the image of your Robin from where it is and places it 30 cm to right or left - selected by the Robin. This has, incidentally, helped the Robins so fitted to forage as the insects suddenly get zapped by a bird apparently standing a foot away. The breeding facility allows each hologram machine to sense the presence of another and either switch both off to allow normal sex OR to merge the two to allow remote sex at a distance of 30 cm. With remote switched on aggressive encounters between two males have resulted in several short notes to Brutish Brids describing the two birds knocking hell out of each other and a small pile of feathers building up 30 cm away! Coming soon the twitcher's delight. Lean on the gate to that forbidden field and walk up to the rarity unseen. New UK400 listing category - TWEEKED - same as twitched but you have actually touched the bird without it knowing! -- Confuse-a-cat Inc Hilborough, Norfolk
From: "Gordon Hamlett" Date: Sat, 7 Oct 2000 Jason Smart wrote: >Can anyone beat the Plymouth birder who came home after a night out to >find that a flatmate had fielded a telephone call and slipped a note under >his door saying "Bonaparte's skull at Plymouth Hoe"? Pratting Gull comes up quite often. I've also had a message for an Arctic's cure. I suspect that Malodourous Warbler is apocryphal. Plenty of errors - some found - some not - in the magazine including: Great Northern Driver Little Ow Great Grey Strike Beaded Tit Breaded Tit Whopper Swan (mind you, after some of the stories going round about the generative organs of Ruddy Ducks, this may well be a more appropriate name) Also plenty of regular spelling mistakes (as opposed to one-off misprints etc) from contributors including past county recorders who maybe ought to have known better, including: pitits Petrel Sandpiper (= pectoral presumably) and my favourite Ye Olde Fieldfayre Any spelling mistakes of my own are, of course merely included to add a degree of verisimilitude and have not been properly proof read by someone else :-)) Gordon
Like most corners of the western world, we also had our discussions as to the correct starting date of the new millennium. At least they were better natured here than in most places ...
From: Paul Rooney Subject: First bird of the millennium Date: Mon, 01 Jan 2001 03:45:28 Guess what - lapwings flying over my garden!
From: Jack Harrison Subject: First bird of the millennium Date: Mon, 01 Jan 2001 I'll look up my log for twelve months ago:-)
From: "Bill Alexander" Subject: First bird of the millennium Oh yes Jack? I thought your Flat Earth Society membership had expired? ;-) A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR, CENTURY AND MILLENNIUM TO ALL AND YOURS My first this century was of course a good old British Robin Bill... :-)
From: mark_etheridge > Jack Harrison wrote... > > I'll look up my log for twelve months ago:-) The Bill predictably wrote > Oh yes Jack? > I thought your Flat Earth Society membership had expired? ;-) Like me, he's a lapsed member. We had to leave so that all the pedant-millenniumists could join :-) Glad to see you've caught up with the rest of us at long last, Bill. > A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR, CENTURY AND MILLENNIUM TO ALL AND YOURS And likewise, O exalted President > > My first this century was of course a good old British Robin My first this year was a predictable offshore Herring Gull, followed shortly afterwards by a not-so-predictable pair of late-migrating Blackbirds heading in the direction of Fife! TTFN Mark
From: "Barcud" First bird was Wood pigeon. A pleasant walk round the fields and woods locally produced the ususal suspects including 3 treecreepers, 3 marsh tits, usual selection of gulls, (bh, c + lbb), lots of mipits, the odd skylark, probably 20 or so goldcrests, 2 jays but nothing too exciting. 2 hares running across the fields were good to see. Jackdaws In the garden were unusual - normally they simply sit on the roof but they were taking bites out of apples this morning. Happy New Year to all Andrew
From: "Steve Foster" "Andy Mabbett" wrote ... > >lots of mipits > > Meadow Pipits, or a typo? Shrt Hnd, as in Andy Mbbtt for Andy Mabbett, or in the birding world, Mipits for Meadow Pipits. :-)
From: "Mark Skevington" 'Mipit' is one of those slang-type nicknames some birders have adopted for certain birds (like Spotshank & LRP). What I want to know is this: if a Meadow Pipit is a Mipit, is a Water Pipit a Whippet ;-)) Mark Skevington Leicestershire
From: Alastair Rae And don't forget the Rockit.
From: "Bill Alexander" And of course the Trippet :-) famously misidentified in the hand by yours truly as a Spotfly. The moral of the story "do not sample home made aquavit before ringing...hic! Bill.....picturing C.Mead pulling a face.
From: "michael short" 'mipit -'is a common diminutive for meadow pipit. Can't find Typo in my field guide , could you describe it?
From: "Barcud" (firstname.lastname@example.org) As I started this........ may I contribute pipit for Pechora pipit? - Confusing or what. I think it was on the Birdguide CD Rom that I saw Richard's pipit captioned as Dick's pipit. Now there's endorsement for 'slang' for you. Andrew PS I think Typo was a typo for Tyto.
From: John Wilson Typo alba = bran owl .... :-)))
From: Alastair Rae Normally seen hunting over roughage pasture?
From: "Bill Alexander" You must have been looking through fibre optics.
From: email@example.com Subject: Re: The Twitches of Onyerwick Date: Sat, 06 Jan 2001 Phil wrote: [Snip yet another Bill Alexander "moment"] > > > If someone hadn't already done so, this would be an appropriate moment > to invent something along the lines of... a club for birders who are > turning a bit senile. Now what could we call it...??? BTO - Brain Traumatised Ornithologists? RSPB - Rarely Sentient Pensionable Birders? SOC - Severely Overthehill Club? BILL - Birders Identifying Linnets Lethargically? TWITCH - The Weirdoes In The Club of Halfwits? DUDES - Definitely Unusual Denizens of Eastern Scotland (the local branch of whatever we decide to call it for Bill and myself). I could go on... but doubtless someone else will have a go.
From: Ann Barker Date: 06 Jan 2001 Ok then.... BOU - Blissfully Ornithologically Underaware WWT - Where am I, What am I doing, Tell me please SCOT - Sagacity-Challenged Ornithology Troupe OR Some Crusty Old Twitchers Ann (longtime card-carrying member of all of the above)
From: Andy Mabbett u.r.b - useless retired birders
Date: Thu, 18 Jan 2001 From: Chris Mead The message from "Andy Harmer" contains these words: > Video footage that showed six bright lights zipping around at phenomenal > speeds in the night sky, was explained away by an astronomer as being white > fronted geese. I normally think the UFO 'crowd' are the nutty ones but this > astronomer took the biscuit. > Andy > Planet Earth White-fronted Geese have been equipped by GAGFART (Gloucester Assisted Goose Flight Aerial Research Team) with a specially enhanced gut flora which enables them to digest GM beet tops in record time. Unfortunately the GM neet has a jellyfich gene in it which causes bright luminescence in the over-bill white marks. Reasonable suggestion from astrologer.
From: Andy Mabbett Subject: orniphilately Date: Tue, 10 Apr 2001 I'm surprised not to have seen this excellent web site mentioned before; pictures of every postage stamp showing a bird, ever (or so it seems), sorted by species or country of issue: http://www.bird-stamps.org/
From: Jack Harrison Subject: Re: orniphilately Andy - you surpassed all previous postings with this wonderful word. I can obviously guess what it means, but did you coin it yourself?
From: "Bill Alexander" Subject: Re: orniphilately I think that is orni-numismatology, but it does have Andy's stamp all over it :-) Bill...
From: "Kevin Heath" Subject: Seagull administrator? Date: Wed, 11 Apr 2001 BTCV are currently running an advert on their web site for a seagull administrator. My question is how would you administer a seagull and why would you want to?
From: "Liz S." ...and what's a seagull??
From: Stephen Poley Larus marinus, of course.
From: "Liz S." Ah, I see, but I can't find it in my Ladybird Guide :o((
From: Mike Crowe BUT, they may be Male, so therefore,,,,,,,,, :-((
From: "Liz S." Damn! I though I was possibly looking in the wrong place after all. Only problem now is I have lost my Gentlemanbird Guide.....:o((
From: mark_etheridge Date: Sun, 01 Apr 2001 It is with deep regret that I must advise readers of ukrb that one of our newest contributors sadly passed away at midday today. Edith Germrake was an outstanding woman in her field, which was next to the B1561 (just past the Three Hens pub), and which had not yet been affected by F&M. Edith had only made one posting to the group, but I am sure she had been looking forward to sharing her insights on birding, cookery, crochet, nuclear physics and Thai kick boxing - there was no start to her talents. It is unfortunate that she mistook the unexploded land-mine for an eagle owl and decided to take a closer look. Now she will just be part of the scenery - indeed the blast radius streches for several miles in each direction. She leaves behind a damaged telescope and smoking boots. It is a pity that one of the last messages she read in this group accused her of being a cross dresser - I hope the perpetrator has the decency to hang his head in shame. We shall not see her like again. Sorrowfully Mark
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